I think it takes a lot for someone to kill themselves. By this I mean that you have to be at the lowest point in your life (or at least what you perceive as the lowest point in your life) in order to want to die. You must have tried everything and gave it your absolute all before you decide that life just isn't worth living. As I watched the suicide prevention video in class today, I came up with a theory. We all go through hard times and for me, what gets me through those hard times is the knowledge that there is a calm after the storm. I think suicide happens when there is no solution identified. For example, someone who has spent their whole life seeking the approval of their parents but has never accomplished it (no matter how many times they have tried) is more likely to become depressed and end it all because they have tried to solve the problem by constantly seeking that approval but to no avail. Or someone who is in a deep drug addiction, without intervention, may not have hope for recovery because time only gets them deeper into their addiction. There has to be a glimmer of hope--that light at the end of the tunnel to keep us going. Thus, I think often, suicide can be prevented by a caring person who connects with the suicidal individual and helps them come up with an alternative solution to ending their life. I don't think people who are depressed always have the energy or capacity (in that state of mind) to come up with that solution on their own.

I've always been pretty fascinated with suicide ever since I read "Bell Jar." It's such a personal thing. I feel like there is so much inner-turmoil involved. So many thoughts and I think it must be as if your life flashes before your eyes because you know that you are going to die. If I knew I was going to die, I'd analyze my life in it's entirety. I think the way people kill themselves is also a reflection on their personality. For example, someone who is sentimental may leave a really detailed letter or photographs. But then again, I feel that if you put that much thought into your suicide (like having letters and photos and approach it sentimentally) you actually might want to live because if I was really just depressed and didn't want to live, I'd probably write "killed myself...obviously" and just be done with it. I think suicide is a struggle because no one really wants to die. They remember their best memories and friends/family they have or once had. Everyone has had something positive in their life. I think it's a struggle because they might be asking themselves, "how do i get back to that place?" And it might take a person a long time to think about that question. If they feel like they can never get back to that place, a place of feeling positive (even throughout their hardships) then suicide might seem like an option.

I guess I'll have to think about it more. I think I will have more answers after I work with a suicidal client. As scary as it may be, I think they really just need someone to listen and I think I'd be okay with that.