is it acceptable to have a funeral for someone who hasn't died? i'd like to. it's my only shot at closure. i could have a ceremony--look at pictures, think about feelings, think about the good memories, bad ones too...but i feel like i've done this all before. i guess the only way is to literally dig a hole in the ground and throw in the person's body. that way, the only chance you have of seeing them is if you dig up the body. i feel like, metaphorically speaking, i'm constantly digging up the body. so what lengths do i have to go to in order to get rid of the body? cremation? why is it that we do this to ourselves? does this mean i'm a masochist? i think i might get pleasure out of pain--out of doing this internal funeral ceremony on a monthly, sometimes weekly basis. aren't funerals only supposed to happen once? some people can just move forward, without looking back. it's funny, i think those were the last words it wrote to him when he asked to be friends..."i hold no ill will but i think we should just move forward, and not look back." so why haven't i moved forward? i know i'm holding myself back but for some reason, i don't mind it. i'm really not an openly sentimental person but for some reason, i'm really taking on this persona. i don't need to find the old me, but i need to learn from the mistakes and continue growing into the person i am becoming. i just wonder how long these funerals will last.