some people just really love learning. that's not me. i do like learning from experience but not listening to lectures and reading theories. as i type my friend is babbling about some useless information on sound waves and it's going in through one ear and out the other. i'm not sure how many times i can repeat the phrases "yeah" and "uh huh" before he notices i'm not paying attention. it's not that i don't like listening--actually most of my job entails heavy active listening. but some things i just don't care to know. i feel like it's taking up excess room in my brain. i know it's not but i guess i'm really practical when it comes to the information i receive. if it's relevant, i pay attention. i guess it's like my brain has a built-in garbage disposal and it decides what to keep and what to toss. if i'm listening to someone's problem because i'm helping them, then i am focused because i have to come up with a solution but if they are rambling on about something pointless, i usually just smile and nod. and even when i'm problem-solving, i throw out the useless things. my brain is saying "okay, that's important. that's important. not important. not important." part of my expectation is that people are brief and efficient with their speech/communication. i guess it might be because i only speak when necessary and it's usually not all that necessary in the first place because the most important conversations happen in my head. i don't understand why people open up so easily to strangers and spill the beans about this and that. i only go to people for help as a last resort, sharing my thoughts only as needed. some people really like to talk about how their day went in great detail. i'm a person of few words. if someone asks me how my day went, they're lucky to get a "pretty good" and most likely they are going to get that answer even if my day went horribly unless i really want to confide in that person. i mean, does the cashier at vons really care to know how my day went? i can just picture it now. "thanks for asking! it's been a really shitty day. first my car broke down, then i lost my job, now i'm being evicted and i'm going through a divorce as we speak. how about you?" i guess i feel like most people are surface level and they're only asking to be polite. half the people who ask how you're feeling don't really care to know how you're feeling. that's fine with me because i'm not going to tell them anyway. when i ask people, i'd like to think i'm a bit more genuine and if i don't care to know, i just don't ask. then there are the people who ask how your day is and while you're answering, they're just jumping at the bit for their chance to speak. the only reason they ask you is so that you're obligated to ask them and if you don't ask them, they like to respond with "well that's nice. let me tell you about my day..." ugh, here we go. i realize that i come off like an asshole and i'm okay with that. at least i'm an honest asshole and i'd like to see more of those in this world.

maybe i just need a bit more tolerance...