thinking back on my childhood, i think i was way ahead of my time. it might have had something to do with being held back in 1st grade but i can't be sure. but one has to wonder if that has something to do with it because children that age are developing so quickly and those beginning stages are vital to human development. the second time around, i was a year older than all the other 1st graders and a year at that age makes a huge difference. the second year of 1st grade, i was 7 years old and the rest of the kids were 6. i was always a year older than the rest and it makes sense because although i could relate to my peers, i grew up thinking i was maybe 5 years older than i actually was. when i went to europe at age 10 with my mom, i made friends with people in their 20's and could relate to them. they didn't look at me like i was a little kid. when we went to the casino in monaco, i was the only person on the tour that couldn't get in and i didn't understand why. a lot of my friends growing up were older than me because i felt i could relate better to them. but the strange thing is that now, i feel so young. i know there's still an old soul in me but now that i'm hanging out with older people, i feel like a kid. i can't relate to people who are 27 and 28 because they're looking for different things than i am. marriage, a home, a family. i feel like those things are a million miles away for me. when my friend drags me to his favorite bar, i feel like everyone stares at me because they're all in their 30's and i'm not. i feel completely out of place. but i think now i feel more like my actual age for the first time. i think 22 is the age i've always been deep down inside (even when i was 10). from this point on, i'll probably start feeling like i'm too young for my age when i'm 40.

but it gets me to thinking how quickly time goes by. the other day i said "remember this happened 12 years a go" and i was like wait...how am i old enough to say that i went somewhere and did something that i still have memories about 12 years a go. soon i'll be saying "remember this happened 20 years a go." scary...