I often feel like Bill Murray in this particular scene of Lost In Translation. The only difference is that I feel like an outsider in my own country--in my own community. Whether it's school, church, or a house party. Any general socially constructed organizations and group events. Sometimes the only time I feel at ease is in a crowded bar. No one bothers you if you don't want them to and most everyone is there for the same reason--to drink. I feel less judgment there. I think in every other situation is always made evident to me that I just don't fit in. Not that I have to or even want to, but I think it'd be nice not to feel marginalized. I can't seem to quite get my foot in the door. I never fit in with the Armenians in my own culture and not quite with white people. Not with the introverts entirely and not at all with the extroverts. Not with those trying to force friendships and not with those not trying at all. i'd like to think i try, though i do a terrible job at it. i don't think loneliness is such a bad thing until society makes you feel like it is. We're just told so often that we should have friends and we should be social and blah blah blah. But what if we just want to be alone for awhile? Or forever? Isn't that okay too? People ask me why I'm always surrounded by weirdos and the answer is that i'm a weirdo too. I'm not the girl next door, I'm the girl on the wrong side of the tracks.