i had to blow off some steam from the fight i just had with brittany. after ignoring her texts for about a week, she finally figured it out and asked me why i was ignoring her. i don't know...could it be that she was the only friend year after year who bailed on my birthday, the only one who didn't wish me a happy birthday, and the only friend who was friends with me only when it was convenient for her? that could be it. after i confronted her about all of this, she became defensive and told me her life was SO different from mine. that her priorities were her son, her bf, and school. that she couldn't be friends with someone who needed her 24 hours a day 7 days a week. she went on. and on and on. and all of it was off topic and didn't address the fact that she just had FAILED to be a friend to me all these years. i stuck it to her but, with the advice of my family, i decided to leave off on good terms. i told her we just agreed to disagree and that we were going in different directions and it felt like i was breaking up with a boyfriend i didn't care about and hadn't seen in the longest time. it just didn't matter to me. if we weren't friends, nothing would change. we don't see each other as is. but i was suckered into being polite and being "friends." it's just SO hard for me to be friends with people only by title. i was looking for that closure, that mutual agreement that we just wouldn't be friends. but what i got instead was the last thing i wanted--nothing changed, we remained on the same terms as before the fight only now we were talking again. sometimes i guess you won't get that closure but you'll just have to create it for yourself. in my mind, i know that we will never be as close as we were after this fight. we both took some low blows but in my defense, my low blows were purely facts--the truth, if you will. it all ended with a "let's not argue and agree to move forward" sort of a thing. we're still friends i guess but you certainly know when a friendship is over and i know. we're not shooting for completely different things out of life but we just have different priorities. i REALLY value my friendships and i've always expected a ROI (return on investment). i put a lot of time and effort into relationships and when it isn't reciprocated, i move on. she said "i'm sorry our friendship is conditional" and my response was "friendships are ALWAYS conditional. no one holds on to bad friends." in the end, we begin where we started only i just don't care anymore. the last thing she said was "you may not believe me but i'd give up a kidney for you" and what i wanted to say was "that's nice, i'd give one up for anyone. i have two." but what i said was "thanks" because i knew what she was doing. it's SO much easier to say something like that, something so extreme as undergoing a surgery to give up an organ for someone else but we both know that's not likely to happen. what is more likely to happen is us spending time together but she won't commit to that one. she'd rather give up an organ than give up 30 minutes of her time for me. that's the kind of friendship we have.