you know when you miss someone and those stupid little things remind you of them? i fucking hate that. now i've got to completely avoid certain streets and locations and even that doesn't help because you can't avoid memories. i hate that the things that remind you of that person are magnified ten times over when they're no longer in your life. certain little things you never really noticed--maybe took for granted--you're no longer able to ignore. and sometimes just to put yourself through even more agony, you'll try to tie completely unrelated things back to this person. your friend could be talking about their relationship issues and you'll interrupt with "oh i know exactly what you're going through, same thing happened with me and ENTER NAME OF PERSON YOU MISS HERE!" they'll probably roll their eyes because they think you're trying to make the conversation all about yourself but you can't help yourself. by reminding yourself, this person is not forgotten and you're scared to forget this person even if you should because you've never done it before and you secretly want to hold on. maybe you're holding onto the person or maybe it's the pain they bring you. either way, there's a reason you're not letting go. maybe it's your attachment issues or maybe it's not--i can't be certain. everytime we've parted ways, i've written letters i never sent. letters expressing my frustration and whatever else it was that i never said. even when we were reunited, i never said it--i just let it go because it was easier. but it built up and it built up and finally it all got out of hand and maybe it was my fault for not saying anything sooner but then again, you can't really blame yourself for the actions of another. everyone makes their own choices in life--we're only responsible for our own. all i can really do now is wish them a happy birthday and get back a two word response. a response from a stranger you never knew--a person you don't want to know. it's certainly not the person you shared some of your most intimate thoughts with. i can't help but think "why did we ever meet? what was the point of it all? was there some kind of lesson to be learned?" i'd hate to think the lesson was never to trust again or that guys and girls can never be friends. i'd hate to think that the lesson--that the answer will just reaffirm my pessimistic attitude towards people. is there something i'm missing? i really do believe everything and everyone is in my life for a reason--what that reason is, only time will tell...