once my past is known, i will be known. my past is so much a part of who i am. i feel like it's just so hard for a stranger to pick up where an old friend left off. i know it's a strange way to explain it but it's how i feel. some people look back on their lives and see a series of situations, a series of decisions, or a series of mistakes. i see all of that but when i really look back at my life, i see a series of people. every situation, every decision, every mistake...it's all defined by the people who were part of my life at the time. the seasons or periods of my life are just made up by a list of names. kind of like the list the guargantuan bouncer holds in his hand at the clubs or the grammys only not as prestigious. because there were a lot of crazy people who typically don't make anyone's list but somehow they made mine. one person leaves, another picks up where they left off only they're lost because the missed a giant chunk of my life so i spend our whole relationship filling them in on what happened and then a new person comes along so i spend another relationship explaining how i was hurt and betrayed. then the cycle continues until i'm left with the friends who have always been by my side but are damn sick of hearing my stories. they tell me i have some of the best and craziest stories but after hearing it for the 134th time, i'm sure they're exhausted. and i am too because it takes just as much energy to tell those stories as it does to listen to them and i do both. i kind of feel like a weary traveler on the road of life just trying to get from one place to the next forming friendships with the people of the town then moving on to the next place. i keep on moving forward but i'm always looking back.