ok i just have to get this out.

dear william:

this makes letter number two. TWO! i have written you a letter previously indicating your instability, lack of loyalty and lack of human decency. and this letter will be the last. were you incoherent the 1st, 5th, and 20th time i told you not to pull that sh** with me? my last letter also indicated that you are a selfish bastard who cares for no one but yourself and i still stand by that statement one-freaking-hundred percent. i just don't trust you. that may not be saying much since i rarely trust people but let's just put it this way--you once earned my trust and now you've completely lost it. i tried to erase our friendship once before and you slid your way back into my life like the slithering serpent that you have portrayed yourself to be. i am no longer the friend who will pick up the pieces, no longer the friend who will nurse your psychotic mind back to health, and no longer the friend that will stand for this flaky, unstable sort of relationship. to put it short, i am no longer your friend. 3 years down the drain and i won't waste a day more.

you have gone out of your way to show me you don't care. you have ignored me, used me to wingman it for you with the ladies at the bar, and molded me into some kind of pretend girlfriend along the way. for someone who claims to "love" me (if you even still do), you have a really sad way of showing it. and to think...you asked me out a few months a go. hah! i was nice enough to let you down gently. what i should have done was hit you in the gut with the fact that i'm ABSOLUTELY NOT interested. we all have our issues but honey, you got too many and i don't have the time or patience to deal with them. and i'm sorry but if you haven't noticed, i have no shortage of friends and i'm not trying to keep you around a minute longer. YOU were the one who begged and begged to hang out with me yet failed to show up! god, i really hope you're on all sorts of drugs because otherwise, you're one REALLY screwed up person. i wouldn't even pull that crap on my worst enemy and you call me your "best friend!"

you know me, i'm mean but i'm not this mean. you've obviously pushed me over the edge. and like i told you, i don't care enough about you to be angry anymore. we all get angry because we care about the person we're angry with (otherwise we'd probably just forget about it and move on). and believe me, i was seriously ANGRY and fed up with your charades for years but today or actually, yesterday, I decided that i just didn't care because you're never gonna change and i'm kind of numb after all the pain i've been through with bulls*** friends like you in my life. so i'm through. anyone who knows me, including you, knows that i'm fucking fiercely loyal to my friends but when i am crossed, that friend is DEAD to me. and in this case, that friend is you.

i really DO wish you the best in your life as i previously mentioned in the last letter. however, i no longer wish for you to be a part of my life and i'm taking it to the grave with me this time. no amount of grovelling will gain my trust and once my trust is lost, friendship is out of the question entirely. i really believe that if you don't see the error of your ways today as you read this, you will see it years down the line when it is too late for you and all your close friends and family have left your side because of the hell you've put them through. i don't want a friend like you who treats me like shit and you don't want a friend like me who gets upset when you treat them like shit; you need a friend with no self-respect whatsoever--so this is the best decision for the both of us.

thank you for your time. we all know how precious it is since you can't spare even a moment for your dearest friends. good day!

END OF LETTER.

i am not quite convinced the letter above is the best way to deal with this situation. however, i am convinced that it is the best way i have learned to hurt someone. to let them have it with your words. a verbal smack in the face that leaves deep red finger print on their heart. i am also convinced that i have learned to wound because i have been wounded many times. however, that doesn't make it any less right. and as i sit here pondering whether i should send this letter or not, i feel morally compelled to just delete the letter completely and to let it go like i have been preaching. yet, hypocracy is often inside us all at one point or another. why do i feel the need to wound someone like this? i guess it's the evil that is so distinctly interweaved into our human DNA. i guess i also question why i don't hate this about myself? why i don't hate the fact that i can and have been vindictive many times in my life. the truth is, i don't hate much about myself. if you hate yourself, how can you really love anyone else? i feel that all the people who have done me wrong in life truly DID hate themselves deep down inside because they never could love anyone and although it came off like they only loved themselves, they truly hated themselves and had to cover it up the only way they knew how--to outwardly adorn themselves with false love and conceit.