i'm so used to thinking about my life, the people in it and really dwelling or focusing on some aspect of it..some relationship. whether it's working or it's not working. whether it makes me completely happy or completely miserable. but for once i'm looking at it and seeing nothing, seeing no one. like i'm free for the first time. no one is taking over my life...consuming my thoughts and it feels great. a little empty but in a good way. because no matter how great a thing seemed at the time, no matter how much i liked the idea of something...it never went anywhere and when it did it was never anywhere good. because in the end good things turn sour and fall apart. better to have nothing than to have something that leaves a bitter residue in your life. i haven't complained to my friends about anyone in awhile because there's no one to complain about. i have mixed feelings about it but the thought of a lifetime of singleness is really starting to grow on me. i know i could be married in an instant if i wanted to but it wouldn't be the right person if it was instant. i don't want to be that picky girl that ended up alone because she shut everyone down but the truth is that i'm more afraid of ending up as the girl that SETTLED because she was afraid of being the picky girl who shut everyone down. i don't want to live in fear.