the worst advice i received was the best advice i received. today when i went to starbucks with edit, i ended up sitting at the exact same table i had sat at two years previously with jc. i hadn't even been to that starbucks since that day and it brought back a lot of memories. it kind of made me sad, reminiscing. i started talking about it and up until then, i had been doing so well but at that moment, i just gave in. edit said to me, "this may be the worst advice ever (and it was) but you should just talk to jc because ultimately it will make you happy short term." then it hit me. it would make me happy...short term. but what good was that? what about all the progress i had made in letting go of it? what about all the wrong he had done to me purposefully and all the manipulation and lies? up until then, everyone had been telling me i did the right thing and that i was better off and i knew it too but when everyone is telling you that person you dated wasn't a good person, sometimes you take it personally and find yourself defending them because you dated them and whether you like it or not, it's a reflection on you. so when people would tell me he was a scumbag, i'd say yeah...but he was a nice scumbag for a while. and whether i said it out loud or not, i certainly thought that to myself and that didn't let me heal because when you're spending your time convincing yourself that evil person was good you start to believe just that when the fact of the matter is that that evil person, is in fact, evil. but in that moment, when she was the only one telling me i should talk to him again i didn't have to defend him because he wasn't attacking him and, thus, she wasn't attacking me. i wasn't defensive and i let my guard down. i thought about it. would it make me happy? the answer was no. not in the long run. i know exactly what would come of it. it's a means to an end. it would be over before it could even begin. there was no future and that's the direction i'm choosing to go. i'm not letting my head get stuck in the past any longer. when i really think about what i ended (and maybe i think about it more than most people) but when i really think about it, i am, in fact, more and more convinced that i did the right thing in ending it with jc.