patterns have always casually presented themselves in my life. my cousin told me that all of her closest lifelong friends turned out to be lesbians and she wondered why. i didn't really have an answer to that but it got me to thinking about my own patterns. all of my closest friends have had serious issues--mental problems, depression, teen pregnancy, emotional instablity...all sorts of things. i probably shouldn't overthink this but i'm going to anyway because that's just what i do. i can't really say that i've ever been the most stable person on every level but what i can say is that, i am stable overall and more importantly, i know who i am (which, frankly, i don't think any of my friends ever did). i don't think they knew who i was and i certainly don't think they knew who they were. all of them were bouncing off the walls trying to figure it out but none of them were successful and maybe just maybe they wanted a bit of what i had (that assurance). those closest to me (still in my life) tell me that these people kind of "used" me and sought out my help and advice without giving me anything [positive] in return and that is true, i'll agree. i spent much of my high school years dealing with other people's problems--being dragged into other people's messes. but that was MY choice and i guess i wouldn't trade it for the world because it's who i am and IS the reason that i'm getting my masters in social work. i do enjoy helping people and whether they take advantage of me or not--that's their issue. all i can do is be myself and not let people or circumstances change me. i do stand by the saying "fool me once, shame on you--fool me twice, shame on me" and i don't let people walk all over me but i've come to the realization that you can't let people and their stupidity change you or sway you in any way. you can't let them strip you of your kindness--don't let them make you more suspicious and cynical than you already are. i've let them change me for far too long--i'm not going to let it interfere with me helping others who don't have ulterior motives and aren't manipulative.