sometimes i feel the tears welling up and i kind of lose my breath and gasp for air. i've experienced this sort of loss many times before but maybe my reaction to it has changed. friends come and go but sometimes you form an attachment that's hard to let go of. i watch videos and look at pictures of us but it doesn't satisfy that emptiness--that loss i feel. it only magnifies that loss and shows you what you can never have again. it makes me wonder how they could choose to throw it all away. maybe they've replaced me with someone new. but for me, people can't be replaced...new people can be added and you may feel happy for a time but that other person is still gone and you can't change that fact. you can convince yourself that this person was no good and there are better people out there but the truth is that, at one point, this person was good and you cared about them and it's hard to let you of someone you care about even if it makes your life less chaotic in many ways. and meeting new people is never the same anyway. i hate starting over and creating new memories with someone else when i have perfectly good memories with someone already. this may be the closest i've ever been to a breakup. it was a friendship of 4 years and we were together almost every day. he was better than a boyfriend--we did everything people in relationships do except we weren't intimate and we didn't fight. it was easy because we didn't have all those expectations that come with relationships because we were just friends but we could never be just friends because he liked me and it was a problem, which i was somehow able to ignore for awhile. some people grow apart...and others are discarded and thrown out like day old bread. feeling like a piece of stale toast is one of the worst feelings in the world. it's what you try to avoid by not getting into relationships only friendships will do the same thing to you.