most of my pain comes from investing in people who spit in my face. who trample over my heart. who flip me the finger after i've poured everything into our relationship. i guess that's the price i pay for being a good friend to people who aren't worthy of friendship. people who don't appreciate or value good things because they've never had good things. they're used to disappointment and maybe the fact that i don't disappoint them actually ends up disappointing them because its not what they're expecting.

i was recently told that i need healing from my past. i guess this entire blog is evidence of that. but i denied it. i said "i dont need to change. i dont need any help." that's all i could say. maybe it was the way he approached it though. it kind of felt like he was trying to tell me everything that was wrong with me because i didn't love him back. it was very saddening to see that i was there for this person as a support and the minute we couldn't be in a relationship, he just started pointing out everything that was wrong with me. before that, i was perfect and could do no wrong when he thought we'd get married one day. that shows the true color of our friendship.