IAm I opening a door that's meant to stay closed? I'm afraid of what lies on the other side. Do I have a friend or a foe waiting for me? I was curious and sad and couldn't let it go. What had happened to us? Our friendship was swept under the rug and then the rug was thrown out. I don't know why it effected me so much because I had been hurt by him many times. But others have come and gone and still I think about what we had. He was like a brother who didn't know how to love his sister. It scares me that the lines of communication have been opened but it hurt me more when I thought they had been closed forever. There's something bizarre in losing a friend you already lost but I felt that way because when he responded I had found hope again. I guess all I needed was a sign that he didn't hate me or at least he kind of cared if I was alive. Who knows, maybe he didn't care if I was alive if he couldn't be with me. Or maybe he's happy now and id make him more miserable than he already was. But I don't think anyone could do that. He was pretty miserable. It's hard to feel palpitations in your heart at the vision of a response. What was once dead is almost alive. Maybe it has a heart after all? I just feel like my responses have to be half truths because if I truly tell him how I feel, he'll run again. But then again, anyone who truly accepts me accepts what I feel and what I have to say. Maybe I'll keep it in for and and see of the opportunity arises.